One seemingly normal day in March, I checked my phone for the 17th million time. I could not tell you why but something about that day was different. Instagram logged me out and was relentlessly denying my re-entry. Normally, I would freak out and contact support to give me my silly little account back. That day though, I found relief in being logged out and I actually did NOT try to contact support. Something came over me and I thought, "I'M FREE!!!!!"
As someone who has had a harrowing addiction to their phone and social media and the internet since the days of MySpace, Stickam and Tumblr, I can tell you that life is less lonely when you are not incessantly plugged in. I had many fears around not being active on social media, the main one being a fear of auditions and work coming to a halt. Since being logged out, I realized my work is not dependent on social media connections. My current agency doesn’t even have an Instagram!! That was a selling point for me when I signed with them. It seems like every agency in LA and beyond has a social media page where they post every time a client of theirs books a job. Seems innocent enough, right? Wrong.
I LOVE to see my people working. It feels good to see people do what they love, especially when it is what I love doing too. What doesn’t feel good is the idea that you have to share every booking all the time for whatever validating reason. Maybe its me, maybe its Maybelline? Jokes aside, maybe I do need to work on something myself, but I really think if you only share the good side of something, it diminishes the struggles we go through in this industry. It was taking a toll on my head space. I admit, I am an out-of-sight-out-of-mind type of gyal so this break from Instagram has made the comparison spiral I was suffering from almost completely disappear.
Living through and conquering a fear I have carried since I began my career in the entertainment industry has left me feeling a sense of relief and confidence in myself. Since being logged out, I have started a successful fortune 500. I wish. But I have been reading more long form blogs and ultimately this hiatus has inspired me to start my very own blog. Do NOT get me wrong. I am still on my phone a lot but I think of my IG break as a catalyst to connect to a less influenced creativity. My content consumption has nearly halted. I don't have influencers influencing me or homesteaders shaming my suburban life. I am not comparing myself to celebrities or socialite nepo babies. Damn, sometimes though, I wish I inherited nepotism. Things aren't perfect yet. I wish I could say that I have been extremely productive and busy with all sorts of projects, but I realize the hold this had had on me and how hard it is to break. I'm going to be kind to myself and give me a pat on my back for lasting even this long.
With a phone addiction comes the action of having the phone in your hand a lot. Like A LOT, A LOT. And like with any other habit, it’s very hard to cold turkey stop when you are so deep in the trenches. I still find myself spending a fair amount of time on my phone. Google Homepage seems to be my new "feed" along with reddit, of course. I don't post on reddit though I love reading what the denizens of the free world have to say. I guess you can say I'm doing the old switch one addiction with another. Except for this addiction is easier to control because eventually I run out of things to search for and unlike the unrelenting conveyor belt of Instagram, I can tuck and roll off the google homepage train fairly easily. Easier. Reddit can suck me into a deep chasm of information at times, which still keeps me stuck longer than I would like to admit. It has been easier to put my phone down but it has not been effortless. Throughout this social experiment of mine, I am hoping to focus on and learn new things about the world and myself.
Have you ever taken an extended period away from Instagram? Let me know below!
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